Dehydrated Babies (Table Tennis)

It had been quite a while since I had gone out to the back patio

And there on the dusty ping pong table was a dusty ping pong paddle

Red padding with oxidation faults running the full length

I gripped the handle and squeezed my eyes shut

The first two blows against my face were the easiest

Then, I guess, the survival/self-protection shit kicked in

But I got four good hits before I started sobbing

They were big sobs with the whole gasping for air thing going on

And the fault lines of the paddle were now rivers

Of blood, thick saliva, and tears

The day before Father's Day is Flag Day! Flag flyer!

Star Anise (seeds)

Fake Sea Captain was uncomfortably rough, but efficient

He gave seawater enemas to the whores

While a group of naked Fake Deckhands took detailed notes

On the number of grunion that survived the ordeal

Grunion that DID NOT consent (the whores consented)

What could have driven Fake Sea Captain to indulge in such despicable behavior?

Here's the list so far:

1. Childhood trauma with Leuresthes tenuis
   
2. He spent too much time watching German internet porn
3. He's just not very nice

Try eating at least two bowls of oat groats a week! Great texture.

Congealed Esthers

An intervention is likely the best choice

She's got so much to live for

Yet she plays Russian Roulette

As if it's a game

And she's so smart

That it must be her intention

To get us involved

But we know better than to interfere

We know how these people work their pathetic magic

And an intervention would play right into it

So let's watch a while longer

Because it can only get better from here

If you can only vote once, vote your ego.

Quicklime (subtle rot-enhancer)

You used up your allotment of excuses for the week

Thus giving up the promise that you'd turn the other cheek

I used to trust your vision and I used to rub your shoulder

But both your eyes got cataracts and then you moved to Boulder

You were awfully content to watch catastrophe in Burma

From the safety of your sofa where you snacked upon shawarma

But now you have regrets and your mouth is full and lamby

While I relax at home oh so comfy in my jammies

Gargle with warm salt water! For six hours!

Mr. Guam

Randy the snitch almost blew our wetworks assignment

One helicopter ride and the boy opened up

Like a steamed clam

Like an icon

The cleanup went off without a hitch

Meaning nothing; Saying nothing

Their oil is our butter

Perfect for clams

Try camping during a storm! Nature is perfect!

Gurltoast
One recovers fast
plastic women surface fast
fast fast fast yes fast

Foxes recover
dens a mess from holidays
you are not my god

Transients steel
themselves to condemnation
yet plot travesty

One recovers now
plastic christmas bless your ass
tape, motherfucker

Open your gifts from the inside out! Anus. You're the one in the mirror. Anus!

Heavenly Peas (Sleep Inn)
their knees must get sore
I do not critique Islam
look at Catholics

Mohamed Santa
Allah leave out some cookies
that's so not funny

chimneys translate well
all god-seekers want some warmth
and understand fire

we burn infidels
for our holiday incense
yule log this, won't you?

So uneven, like the currents of the Dead Sea! Aaarghhh!

Holiday Spears
Her noble fir was absent
Her douglas just the same
But hills and dales were present
A present just the same
A sleigh(t) of inadvertance?
Or supplement cognito?
Whatever point you argue
We all got such a treat-o
An unwrapped present tells a lot
Toward what lies trapped inside
We've seen some gifts that others got
With knots of ribbon tied

Holidays have a scent. Olfactory floor!

Tripe
John Travolta stomach surgery lets implicators free
Demanding "Big 3" layoffs
While settlers promote "Sex Day" and hold collective breaths
We traverse pickled canyons to watch our own deaths
Lamenting the lack of proper tackle to catch brown trout

This was supposed to be the last nutrient. Fuck you!

Super Splendid Flavor Laugh
Thom Yorke diede todaye
Billy Idol never dies
Thom Yorke diese eache daye

Disassociate
You have the latest software
Dennis Callaci

Abridged perversion
Very few understand it
Dennis Callaci

Please try to regulate your speech. Mistakes are hard to erase.